His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize