i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
