took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
