is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize