You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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