Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
