Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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