I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
