Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
