dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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