I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
