look no pants
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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