she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
