So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
