Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
