Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
