just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
