but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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