we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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