Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
