...so i touched it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
