I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
