I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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