Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
