5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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