SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
