I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
