3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
