I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
