I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
