hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
