Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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