i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
