Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
