You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
