Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
