I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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