I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
