I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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