it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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