Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize