he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Randomize
