dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
