I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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