Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
