you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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