so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
