I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
