Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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