I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
