I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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