i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
