tell your sister to shave her snatch
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
