he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
