Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
