i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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