Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
