Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
