Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
