So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
