ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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