in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
