too bad you live with your parents still
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
