my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize