I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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