NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize