Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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