And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
