i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
