how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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