I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
