you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize