I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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