you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
nutella sex= disaster
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
