You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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