Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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