just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize