I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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