i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
pray to the hookup gods
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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