I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize