She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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