you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
