The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
