When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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