Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's official drugs can't kill me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
