Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
