We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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