is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
