I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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