i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
