On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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