Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
