I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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