dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
