Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
