Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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