I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
